Born Out of Love Page 19

  ‘Yes.’ Charlotte found his words cold comfort. ‘Goodbye, then.’

  ‘Goodbye, Mrs Derby.’

  Outside, she breathed deeply of the cooler air. It had been warm in Dr Mannering’s study with the sun streaming through his windows, and it was easier to think away from his too-knowledgeable eyes.

  She slung her bag over her shoulder. So Logan had not deserted her, after all. And she had refused to listen to him, had practically driven him into the arms of another woman! Oh, Matthew, she thought despairingly, you’ve certainly made me pay for any humiliation you suffered when my mother chose another man!

  The path to the gates was tree-lined, and she was walking along with her head down when she almost collided with a man coming from the opposite direction. She lifted her head, an apology spilling automatically from her lips, and then gasped incredulously: ‘Logan!’

  And Logan it was, vaguely unfamiliar in a dark lounge suit and grey shirt, his lean features hard and implacable. Before she could formulate any words at all, he had grabbed her upper arms in an iron grip, and with scarcely-leashed anger, exploded: ‘Deus! So I’ve found you! What in God’s name do you think you are doing?’

  ‘Logan.’ She said his name again, hardly daring to accept that it was really him. She touched his cheek, but he flinched away from her. ‘Logan, oh, Logan—I can’t believe it’s really you!’

  ‘I’ll bet you can’t!’ he muttered, betraying emotion thickening his tone. ‘And to think—this was my last chance!’

  Charlotte swayed towards him, and in a moment his arms were around her, his face buried in her neck. Now she could feel him trembling against her, and his vulnerability broke down all the barriers between them.

  ‘Dear God, Charlotte,’ he groaned, ‘are you trying to kill me?’

  ‘No. No.’ Her arms slid round his waist, under his jacket, uncaring that other eyes were observing them now with avid interest. ‘Oh, Logan, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’

  For a few moments he seemed unable to speak, and then at last, he drew back so that he could look into her face and she saw how pale he was. ‘Why did you do it?’ he demanded unsteadily. ‘Why did you do it?’

  Charlotte stroked back the hair from his forehead. ‘How’s Robert?’ she asked huskily, and Logan closed his eyes for a moment in remembered agony.

  ‘He’s all right,’ he said at last. ‘Missing you like hell!’

  ‘He—he didn’t want to leave,’ she stammered.

  ‘Well, he sure as hell doesn’t give that impression,’ remarked Logan dryly. Then he glanced round. ‘We can’t stay here. I’ve got to speak to you alone. Do you have an hotel we could go to?’

  ‘Do—do you?’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘Why? Don’t you want me to know where you’re staying?’

  She shook her head. ‘It’s not that. It’s—well, it’s not very nice. I—I couldn’t afford any better.’

  ‘Charlotte!’ The way he said her name made her knees go weak. ‘All right, all right, we’ll go to my hotel. It’s not too far from here. So long as you trust me.’

  Charlotte looked up at him adoringly. ‘I don’t need to trust you,’ she said softly.

  ‘For God’s sake, don’t look at me like that!’ he muttered huskily, and taking her hand, dragged her after him towards the gates. It wasn’t gentle, or particularly polite, but Charlotte loved it. Logan had hold of her hand, and so far as she was concerned, he could pull her through the very gates of hell and she would not object.

  The hotel he was staying in was the same hotel he had used all those years ago when he was at the university. He saw her eyes dart up to take in the sign, and nodded half aggressively. ‘It was the only place I knew. Do you mind?’

  ‘Mind?’ She shook her head, and with an exclamation he led her through the swinging doors and across the carpeted lobby.

  His room was not the same. It was bigger for one thing, looking out across the park, and the bed was double instead of the narrow divan he slept on before. She preceded him into the room, and he closed the door behind them, securing the safety catch before turning towards her. She stood beside the bed, suddenly very aware of her pale cheeks and dark-ringed eyes, but Logan did not look at her. Instead, he remained where he was, saying quietly: ‘I have to have an answer. Why did you run out on me?’

  Charlotte linked her fingers round her bag. ‘I—you were going to marry Elaine—–’

  ‘I was not going to marry Elaine!’ he snapped savagely. ‘I asked you to marry me, if you remember, but you refused.’

  ‘For Robert’s sake.’

  ‘Yes, for Robert’s sake. But mostly for mine. God, Charlotte, can’t you see what you do to me?’

  She badly wanted to be in his arms, but there were things that had to be said first. Taking a deep breath, she said: ‘I—I learned today that—that you tried to see me before—before you left England.’

  Now it was Logan’s turn to look amazed. ‘You—what?’

  ‘I—I learned today—–’

  ‘Oh, yes, yes, I heard that. What do you mean by today?’

  ‘What I say.’ Charlotte took a step towards him. ‘Logan, you’ve got to believe me. I didn’t know!’

  ‘You didn’t know?’ Logan stared at her aghast.

  ‘I didn’t. Matthew—Matthew never told me.’

  ‘But my letters …’

  ‘I never got them. Matthew must have returned them himself.’

  ‘I can’t believe it.’

  ‘You’ve got to believe it. It’s the truth. As God is my witness, Logan, I am not lying to you.’

  He raked back his hair, trying to make sense of what she was saying. ‘You mean—you mean you weren’t—disgusted by what had happened? You—you never said you didn’t want to see me again?’

  ‘No, no! That’s what I’m telling you.’ Charlotte wrung the strap of her bag. ‘I—I’ve been talking to Dr Mannering. He—he told me what Matthew had said. I knew nothing of that. Logan, I—I loved you—I still love you!’

  He looked absolutely stunned. ‘You mean—all these years …’ He shook his head. ‘Oh, my God! how could he do such a thing?’

  ‘I don’t know. Perhaps it was because of my mother. He wanted her once, but she loved my father. Then … then the war came …’

  ‘And Matthew was made impotent,’ finished Logan harshly. Then, at her surprised gasp, he added: ‘I went to see his brother yesterday. I had the faint hope that you might have contacted them—that they might know where you were. When they learned who I was, they very quickly let me know that poor dear Matthew couldn’t possibly be the father of your son.’

  Charlotte bent her head. ‘When—when did you come to England?’

  ‘Four days ago.’ Logan looked at her now. ‘As soon as I got back and found you’d gone.’

  ‘Oh, Logan …’

  He covered the space between them in two strides, pulling at his tie impatiently. ‘What did you think to achieve?’

  ‘I—I didn’t know about—about what happened—eleven years ago. I thought—–’

  ‘Yes?’ he demanded. ‘What did you think?’ He made an impatient gesture. ‘For God’s sake, why do you think I brought you to the island? I didn’t know Robert was my son then, did I?’

  She shook her head. ‘I—I thought you wanted to hurt me—–’

  ‘I did. I do.’ His eyes swept down her slender body. ‘But I know I’ll only hurt myself more. Tell me something, how did you really feel after … after …’

  ‘After we made love?’ She lifted her face to his. ‘You know how I felt.’

  He swore softly. ‘That call came in from the principal’s office. You were crying …’

  ‘Aren’t girls supposed to cry? I suppose I was young and frightened …’

  His hand caressed her cheek. ‘With good cause, as it happened. I wonder if you’ll get pregnant as quickly this time.’

  ‘Logan!’

  ‘Well!’ He was unashamed. ‘You are going to marry me, aren
’t you?’

  Charlotte trembled. ‘If you want me to.’

  ‘If I want you to!’ He raised his eyes heavenward for a moment. Then his hands dropped to the buttons of her shirt, making her tremble even more. ‘Do you know what I did?’ She shook her head, and he went on: ‘After I got no joy out of ringing you and trying to see you and writing letters to you, I went back to Rio. I thought—what the hell! The lady doesn’t want to know. Forget her! But I couldn’t. I loved you then as I love you now.’ Her blouse came loose, and he pulled a face at the bra beneath. ‘So I came back to London.’ His hands slid round her back, seeking the clip that kept the bra in place. ‘And when I found you had married Matthew, that you were pregnant, I actually tried to think of ways of killing you, do you know that?’

  ‘Oh, Logan!’

  The bra was loose, and he pushed it aside, bending his head to caress her hardening nipples with his lips. He was trembling now, she could feel it, and his eyes were dark and disturbingly sensual.

  ‘But,’ he continued speaking with evident difficulty, ‘I knew that killing you I’d achieve nothing, only my own damnation, so I made other plans. It occurred to me that because Matthew was so much older than you were, sooner or later you were bound to be free, and when you were …’ He looked into her face deeply. ‘I knew that somehow I would make you come to me. As it happened, it was easier than even I had imagined.’

  ‘That—that was how Mr Lewis—–’

  ‘—learned about the post? Yes, of course. I explained that I was an old friend of Matthew’s, who wanted to remain anonymous, etc., etc. He swallowed it without question. So, my sweet, did you.’

  Charlotte’s tongue appeared to wet her upper lip. ‘And—and Robert?’

  ‘Oh, yes, Robert.’ He had unbuttoned his shirt now and was pulling her closer, his hair-roughened skin tickling her breasts. ‘I hurt you. I’m sorry.’ His tongue trailed a distracting path along her ear. ‘That was why I slapped you, of course. When I saw him …’ He shook his head. ‘Can you ever forgive me?’

  ‘Can you forgive me?’ she breathed, her lips turning against his cheek.

  His eyes kindled with emotion. ‘Only if you’ll promise to marry me, as soon as we can get a licence, here or in San Cristobal.’

  ‘What about Elaine?’

  ‘What about Elaine?’ he asked impatiently, his mouth doing disturbing things to her powers of reasoning.

  ‘Lisette told me—about Senhor Mendoza’s plans for you. Your work at the Institute …’

  Logan sighed, loath to talk about such mundane things. ‘All right,’ he nodded. ‘Manoel did hope that one day Elaine and I …’ He paused. ‘He should have known better. No one buys my love and affection. It’s not for sale. And Manoel is sufficiently much of a business man, I think, to overlook my deficiencies in that direction.’

  Charlotte relaxed. ‘It’s all too good to be true.’ Then her eyes clouded: ‘But Robert—–’

  ‘What about him?’

  ‘He’s still in San Cristobal?’

  ‘Yes. He’s staying with Carlos. You don’t have to worry, he’s quite safe.’

  ‘I’m not worried, but I am apprehensive.’

  Logan frowned. ‘What about?’

  ‘Telling him.’

  Now it was Logan’s turn to be concerned. ‘Oh, my darling, I have a confession to make …’

  Her lips trembled. ‘What?’

  ‘I—Robert knows already. I told him. You left me no alternative.’

  Charlotte quivered. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘What did you expect him to say?’ Logan half smiled. ‘He said I needn’t think he wanted a father who hurt his mother and sent her away!’

  ‘Oh, Logan …’ She guessed how much it must have cost him to tell her that. ‘He doesn’t mean it.’ She shook her head. ‘Do you think he’ll ever understand?’

  Logan’s fingers caressed her nape. ‘When he’s older perhaps. Right now, Carlos is doing a great job of public relations. And once we’re married, and he has brothers and sisters …’

  ‘Brothers and sisters?’ echoed Charlotte huskily. ‘Aren’t you being rather ambitious?’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ remarked Logan, drawing her down on to the be‘And to begin …’

  ISBN: 978-1-472-09934-1

  BORN OUT OF LOVE

  © 1977 Anne Mather

  Published in Great Britain 2014

  by Mills & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited

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